orchid child
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Kazuki remembers about his past in Mugenjyou.


**Fandom: Get Backers  
Title: orchid child.  
Pairing: Juubei + Kazuki  
Rating: PG  
Description****:**** Kazuki remembers about his past in Mugenjyou.**

**Disclaimer - Get Backer s isn****'****t mine at all. I just love Kazuki.**

As I knelt upon the ground in despair, hoping that the floor would shake to show that it cared for what I couldn't say in words. My hands were pressed on the tar with the dark clouds passing by above me with no cares whatsoever.  
I pressed my fingers against the ground with even more force as my eyes closed shut. I looked up to see the enclosure of buildings which wanted to touch the sun like the Tower of Babylon. People always wanted to touch what they couldn't. They always wanted to understand what they thought they should and they found out later that maybe they shouldn't have found out at all.

From where I was, I was crawling blindly upon the Earth for all I knew.

I then began to cup my hands delicately against the petals of that single white orchid which grew out of an opening in the middle of the pathway.

He came up behind me and firmly planted his hand on my shoulder.

In that moment of time, I wished that all the things I thought and learned about the world could have helped me.

**orchid child.  
by miyamoto yui  
**  
When I went to Mugenjyou, I guess you could have said that we started from scratch. Juubei tried to take care of everything while I continued my training meticulously and without falling behind.

I would watch Juubei as he would leave to take care of things that he wouldn't let me help in. He would somehow bring back food or find a place to stay. I didn't know how he achieved all this, but when he said that he'd protect me, he really made sure that my life wasn't difficult.

And it wasn't that I was too sheltered in the sense that I didn't know what it meant to live. After all, I was skilled in an art which could both protect and kill a person. I trained for a day that would put my efforts into good use as well as keep up the family name.

Sometimes, though, I didn't want it to ever come.

I would hold onto Juubei's clothes with frightened eyes. I would hold onto his shoulders with his sleeves in between my fingers. I would shake my head from side to side and cry with no reason I could describe with my mouth.  
All that pain was overwhelming. I had seen more than I could handle.

We had only lived in Mugenjyou for a few months, but I saw the different sects. I saw that everyone lived in fear of everyone else. Even though the streets were filled with children, the laughter was always short-lived. It never lasted for long because you would also hear the screaming or fighting.  
I tried to hold my hands over my ears as Juubei held me closely on the floor. We would stay like that for a half hour sometimes.

No one ever knew. We were scared like everyone else, but outside of the walls of our room, we would pretend that nothing could affect us to the point of fear.

There were so many people who begged in other sectors while the ones at the top would look down at us without us ever looking into their eyes. I wondered if they were laughing at us trying to survive in this game they seemed to have set up.

"What do we do?" I asked Juubei while making food for some of the children out in the streets. I never shouted at him because my soft-spoken voice wouldn't allow me to. "Is this all I can do?"

How did I even have the time to do all this?

And yet, Juubei just sat down as children came into his lap to ask him to teach them how to read or to fix their shoes. They brought our food to their families sometimes.

I couldn't even believe some of the owners from "the outside" whose faces we never saw, but sent their envoys. These self-centered envoys demanded that whole families were to be evicted from some other part of Mugenjyou and had to find another place to live within it. For some reason or other, the "real" owner who had paid for the building said that they couldn't live there. It was funny how scared the owners were of their own property.

Yes, these people were to be thrown away? The people who took care of that home and had to defend it from being pillaged by street punks, gangs, and other people?

It was rare for me to find kindness there in Mugenjyou. It was hard for me to believe in compassion.

One time or another, there were some middle aged, old, or young people who would discriminate against me for looking like a woman or didn't want my "help".

In order to get access to information and the privilege to go around Mugenjyou without being questioned, I fought to become one of the Four Volts. It was a position filled with fear, respect, and prestige.

But I didn't want the people to be afraid of me. I felt we were all the same.

I wanted them to show me what I felt was missing inside of myself. This gnawing feeling inside of me that wouldn't ever stop wounding me silently. And in turn, I wanted to help protect what they felt was important because I had the ability to.

It wasn't that I wasn't afraid anymore of anything, but as I watched the Raijin look out the window numerous times, I embraced his shoulders. I pressed my cheek next to his, trying to understand what was going through his head. He never wanted to say anything and I knew the silence was something that could murder you like a sweet caress.

I was always like that.  
I was quiet about the problems that plagued me. I wanted to be more of a help to Juubei. I wanted to get into the Raijin's head. I wanted to comprehend why did life have to be so difficult to the point of being unfair no matter how much you tried to change what was around you.

When would we ever achieve that peacefulness the Raijin was trying so hard to accomplish? I followed  
him with those determined eyes of his. I believed in those eyes so much that Juubei knew I would do anything for the Raijin.

We fought over that for a while…

One day, there was a teenage girl who came to me with chocolate. I was surprised as I held it in my hands because chocolate was very rare to find in Mugenjyou. It had to be imported from "the outside".

She smiled silently as she ran away from our doorstep with crimson cheeks.

"Did you know who that was?" I asked Juubei and he shrugged his shoulders while drinking a cup of coffee.  
I closed the door and sat on his knee as he gave me a sip of the coffee. He put his arm around my waist. "I wonder who she was."

But she was absolutely amazing. Her eyes were so wide and profound that you thought you would get lost in them. They were so full of life that I was captured by them. I almost wanted to touch them because they were burning like stars.

She ran away with a red dress and braid trailing behind her.

When I was playing with some of the children on top of some dirt mound, I laughed as they jumped on me.  
"Juubei! Juubei help me!" I shouted, trying to play along.  
The kids defended to keep me as their hostage. They took a hold of Juubei's legs while he tickled them on their ribs. They fell in heaps.  
One little boy name Shu held his hands out. "I'm keeping the princess Kazuki here!"  
Juubei took Shu into his arms and hugged him while shaking him from side to side. Tickling him too, he said, "Oh, is that so?"  
I was still lying on the ground when suddenly, Juubei quickly pecked me on the lips and took me into his arms. He ran away as I waved at the kids who were going home because it was already early evening.

"Thank you for rescuing me," I said while being set on my feet again. I was still blushing because he knew he shouldn't have kissed me in public. Juubei refused to look me in the eye out of guilt.

At that moment, the girl with the red dress was now in a bright blue shirt and pants set with her long hair untied. She gave me a single flower. It was a white orchid.  
Laughing, she ran away again before I could say anything. I gave Juubei a strange expression as we went home.

Weeks later, after investigating some case in another part of town, the Raijin and us came back home late. Juubei and I were heading home when we heard screaming. We ran towards the direction of that scream.

When we got there, it was too late. People were oozing out of the windows but no one dared to help the single bleeding girl with the white painted face. It was then that I knew she was a prostitute.  
It explained why we only saw her appear at night…

I ran to her and held her in my arms. "Juubei, get an ambulance!"  
The girl coughed up blood and shook her head. She held out her thin wrist to lightly pull on Juubei's sleeve.  
"Why?" I asked her as the blood of stab wounds bled onto my hands and arms and seeped onto the ground.  
"Is there always a reason as to why people kill other people?" she countered while almost laughing at the cruel joke.

I gulped as I told her, "I never got to tell you thank you for your presents, but why did you pick to give them to me?"  
She smiled that bright and innocent grin that I knew her for. "Remember that little girl you gave your thread to so that she could use it for her hair? And then you gave her food?"

I eyed her closely.

"And I wanted to tell you thank you, but you were crying in Juubei-sama's arms saying, 'Why can't I do anything?'"

Tears were forming on my eyes and they fell onto her face while she cried herself.

"I…I remember."  
"I always wanted to tell you thank you. I never forgot how you got mad at the eviction people or how you shouted at all those punks who tried to beat us up when we were little. I wanted to tell you that I loved you and that I always wanted to be like you. That's all, Kazuki-sama."

She looked at me with a thoughtful expression. It was then that she closed her eyes. And my eyes opened wide as my arms became weightless.

I sobbed quietly as I hugged the air. I couldn't even shout.  
Why was there no one else grieving but me? What was wrong with the world?!

As I lifted up my head, I caught a glance of those eyes in front of mine. The Raijin left that day and never came back. And I finally understood why. You couldn't do everything with strength.

There were times you had to lose in order to fully understand.

I put both of my hands on the ground and then Juubei firmly grabbed onto my shoulder.

I hugged myself and cried as the people closed their doors and windows. For the first time in my life, I cried so loud that I didn't know that it was my own voice I was listening to.

I could see her face inside of my head, those powerful blue eyes as intense as the water or the sky.

Her eyes told me, "You knew my secret, as with others here, didn't you? But you didn't care that some of us were programs. You didn't care that you would get hurt. Still, you dared to take care and love us all."

I shook my head as Juubei knelt on the ground to take me into his arms. Unable to show my face, I hid in his arms as he tightly carried me and I hung my arms limply around his neck.

Even with all that I learned through books and experience, even with all that I have done, even with all that has been done for me, had it all come to nothing? Why wasn't I able to do anything even if I tried my best?

"I'm sorry, Kazuki." Juubei affectionately said to me with a sad tone. "I'm sorry…please don't blame yourself…"  
"No, Juubei, that can't be true. I won't believe that. There are no limits. If hate can have no limits, then its counterpart, love…surely, it will surpass that."

I glanced back to see the single orchid growing under the streetlamp.

I buried my face into Juubei's chest again.

For a long time, I stayed in our room unless I absolutely had to leave for a mission or other. I couldn't take anything anymore.

Then, when I thought things were finally starting to make sense again, I lost Juubei and we were at odds.  
We had to find one another once again. How could we be on the opposite sides of the scale?

Little by little, I thought that I had lost everything I had ever believed in.

I found my answer though, when he came back to me. I had to lose him. I had to forget that we were always together. I had to learn that there were things you couldn't change in the world.

Only yourself.

Juubei lost his eyes and I held his bandages. I closed my eyes and cried for him too.

It was then that he told me in between his lips pressing onto my palms, "Kazuki, my family may have been protecting yours all this time, but I chose to be with you. Do you know why I stay with you?"  
I didn't say anything.  
"I protect you because you _are_ weak."  
"Juubei?" I blinked at him.

I was hurt by this.

"Kazuki…" He then patted my face and kissed me. "You give your heart to everything and everyone that comes your way. That's why that little girl came back to you after all these years. That's why I'm standing before you with both of my eyes slashed.

Not everyone can be brave enough to love that much."

That night, as I sat on some railing on a balcony in a room somewhere less than accommodating, I leaned my back on Juubei. He rested his chin on my shoulder while holding onto my waist with both of his arms.

I watched the bright sky above us.

I don't have to know the explanations to everything. I don't even have to feel through all of them.

All I know is that I gave my best.  
That's all I have to know.

I looked up at the moon and thought of the single orchid that grew in Mugenjyou. Until now, I make sure that it lives through everything and anything.

A flower is delicate and appears to be weak, but over and over, no matter how many seasons pass or how harshly it's been treated,

it comes back even deeper, bolder, prettier, and stronger than ever.

**Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note:** I remember someone who said they remembered my fic because it was different from the others they read. That truly touched my heart. And so, I kept that in mind for months. Though I would have liked to make this longer, I wrote this short fic hoping that it would give a new dimension to their relationship and our world.

Though this isn't worthy, I dedicate this to the tsunami victims and to everyone. In one way or other, we're all oppressed, but if we work towards overcoming that, then there is still hope yet for the future.

Love,  
Yui  
**  
1/20/2005 1:26:38 AM**


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